a comprehensive & annotated list of all the bonkers WASPy names used for offscreen Gilmore Girls characters

come for Tweenie Halpern, stay for the five Cissys

Tweenie Halpern! Bitty Charleston! Pennilyn Lott! Bunny Carlington-Munchausen! Eunice Pierpont-Pennington!

Happy New Year! I spend most of my free time watching Gilmore Girls and this past rewatch (probably my 38th or 47th) I decided to take note of one of my favorite little series quirks: wild WASP names for characters who never appear onscreen. I documented them in a Twitter thread, too — I was a little less choosey in the thread than I am here, but I wanted to curate the best list I could, so a couple less-than-crazy names ended up there to be shaved off the real list. If I missed any, please don’t tell me, this took way too much of my time and energy and I will start crying.

A special shout-out must be given to the great Kelly Bishop, who spoke most of these names into existence and justified them all in her unique, pitch-perfect, Emily Gilmore way. I love her so much.

I decided not to track any wild names that might’ve occurred in season 7 because it wasn’t overseen by Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino and I think of these names as a stamp of their specific writing neuroses. A calling card. (I included one, though, that had the same energy).

I’ve also added some annotations, mostly to note when a character is actually seen onscreen at some point and when a character is named Cissy. There are other lists of this kind to be made (naming all of Emily’s maids might be in my future), but here’s this one. I hope you enjoy the fruits of my labor. Subscribe or Venmo me if you want to support me and my silly little work.

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1. Mrs. Langworthy (1x01)

2. Bitty Charleston (1x02) 

3. Hanlin Charleston (1x02)

   ¹
    

4. Lucien Mills (1x04)

5. Cissy Stanford (1x06)

   ²
    

6. Janlen Dugray (1x06)

7. Emily Gilmore’s younger sister “Hopey” (never mentioned again) (1x08)

8. Cissy (1x09)

   ³

9. Holland Prescott (1x10)

10. Arthur Roundtree (1x14)

11. Straub Hayden (1x15)

    ⁴
     

12. Dora Braithwaite (1x16)

13. Peg Mossley (1x19)

14. Navena Cutler (1x20)

15. Pity Salinger (1x20)

16. LaDawn (2x04)

    ⁵
     

17. Kimber Slately (2x05)

18. Madison Maylands (2x05)

19. Truly Bishop (2x06)

20. Lou Magillian (2x11)

21. Cheeky Lennox (2x12)

22. Heddy Cubbington (2x17) 

23. Cissy (2x18)

    ⁶

24. Bunny Carlington-Munchausen (2x20)

25. Schotzie Leasen (2x22)

26. Shauna Christie (3x02)

27. Cissy (3x04)

    ⁷

28. Beanie Morrison (3x05)

29. Sally Wallington (3x05)

30. Henry “Hoho” McAfee III (3x07)

31. Pennilyn “Lynnie” Lott (3x08)

    ⁸

32. Bob Merriman (3x11)

33. Pinky Dowdy (3x12)

34. Julie Myrsten (3x15)

35. Lloyd Sandstone (3x19)

36. Uncle Newty (3x19)

37. Donny Pass (4x04)

    ⁹

38. Babe Wellington (4x06)

39. Carol Dandridge (4x07)

40. Cecil & Donlan (4x09)

41. Pinochle Downs (4x11)

42. Loretta Bobbins (4x13)

43. Eunice Pierpont-Pennington (4x15)

44. Melinda “Sweetie” Nelson (4x16)

45. “Crater Face” Cutler (4x18)

46. “Club Foot” Cindy (4x18)

47. Petal Huffington (5x01)

48. Hamilton Gregory (5x03)

49. Jancy Gregory (5x03)

50. Sampson & Delilah Saperstein (5x03)

    ¹⁰

51. Elias Huntzberger (5x06)

52. Hortense van Uppity (5x07)

    ¹¹

53. Donen Anderson (5x08)

54. Bunny, Napoleon, and Kip Barnes (5x08)

55. Martin Voorman (5x12)

56. Sugar Farthington (5x12)

57. The Sheldrakes (5x13)

    ¹²

58. Missy Hollerman (5x13)

59. Dinky Shaw (5x13)

60. Mr. and Mrs. Vlockenfeffer (5x13)

    ¹³

61. Aunt Totsie (5x13)

62. Eleanor Shubic (5x20)

63. Maxwell T. Kropog (5x20)

64. Mellie Rutgers (5x22)

65. Stoney Morrison (6x01)

66. Constance Betterton (6x03)

67. Sandra Tarkington (6x03)

68. The Mortigans (6x07)

69. Arlan Safer (6x11)

70. Tweenie Halpern (6x13)

    ¹⁴

71. Dean Elden (6x14)

    ¹⁵

72. Hubert Lansing (6x14)

73. Imelda Landers (6x15)

74. Professor Whittington (6x18)

75. Cissy (6x18)

    ¹⁶

76. Alex Bacchus (6x19)

77. Roddy Winston (6x19)

78. Cecily Pendulum (7x10)

    ¹⁷

79. Teddy Weidermeyer III (AYITL 1)

80. Leonard Marlin (AYITL 1)

81. Lydia Papadokolis (AYITL 2)

    ¹⁸

82. Xander Sackovich (AYITL 2)

83. Tara Grabowski (AYITL 2)

84. Dexter Schmid (AYITL 2)

85. Tawny Shaverkian (AYITL 2)

86. Lynix Hatlestad (AYITL 2)

87. Stuart Carrington (AYITL 2)

88. Bernie Roundbottom (AYITL 3)

89. Marla Tipton (AYITL 3)

90. Royston Sinclair III (AYITL 4)

91. Renford (AYITL 4)

1. onscreen character, still warranted mention

2. the first cissy

3. the second cissy

4. another onscreen character, still warranted mention

5. another onscreen. character, still warranted mention

6. the third cissy

7. the fourth cissy

8. onscreen character, absolutely warranted mention

9. this has to be a Donner Party joke, right?

10. i know these aren’t WASPy names but seriously???

11. said in jest by Lorelai but funny enough (and close enough to the truth) to include

12. this one is fun because Emily is talking about the family they’re kicking out of the Rose Room to accommodate her vow renewal. The Sheldrake is also the name of one of the neighboring hotels to Kellermans in Dirty Dancing! Kelly Bishop was in Dirty Dancing! i hope this was an easter egg because i find it delightful. 

13. said in jest by Lorelai but funny enough (and close enough to the truth) to include

14. onscreen character, justifies the list

15. Dean like university professional, not Dean like Dean

16. somehow, the fifth cissy

17. this one was not overseen by Amy and Dan but it was too good to leave off the list.

18. the AYITL ones from this scene are not the WASPiest but they are still wild!